


you said the brains I had went to my head

by judypoovey



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Actors AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Film Set AU, Gen, If it's not a thing i'm making it a thing, M/M, Medium Burn, The 290s AL are like the 1990s CE!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judypoovey/pseuds/judypoovey
Summary: When his sister comes north to film a new movie, Benjen finds himself "consulting" to help supermodel-turned actor and certified asshole Jaime Lannister play a more realistic park ranger. It's only for a few days, though. Right?
Relationships: Benjen Stark & Lyanna Stark, Jaime Lannister/Benjen Stark, Tyrion Lannister & Lyanna Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13





	1. day 0

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a dumb multi-chapter modern AU that i'm exclusively using so I feel like i'm putting my film degree to some level of use by knowing how to make a movie. anyway, for the set-up of this, it's like. If the 290s in Westeros-years were the 1990s in Earth-years. It's 1995 and Lyanna Stark is the Winona Ryder of Westeros, only she disappeared from the public eye to have a secret baby. The ages are roughly proportional to what they are in canon except like, everyone isn't an absurdly young parent. 
> 
> I did a lot of rambling there, but please enjoy supermodel himbo Jaime tormenting snarky asshole Benjen. It's all I have to offer you. If you like this ship, both me and my best friend ~merrymegtargaryen have written it for some reason. It started out as a joke and now... (gestures vaguely)
> 
> the title is from "don't look back in anger" by oasis and a tribute to the absolute lack of braincells everyone in this fic has

Picking his sister up from the airport was always a little strange. It wasn't as though crowds were forming, but a few stray guys lingering with comically long camera lenses trying to get a glimpse of Lyanna Stark was not something he would get used to any time soon.

But she was a famous actress, and he was her brother, so Benjen took it in stride, picking his shittiest, most tattered jeans and threadbare plaid shirt to make the trip. Lyanna had discovered the worse she and everyone else looked in the pictures, the less money the paparazzi got for them, so he always looked disheveled. Moreso than usual, at least.

She ran at him and he barely caught her, hugging her tightly. "I missed you!"

"How was the movie in Dorne?" he asked. 

"I don't think it was exactly  _ quality _ , but it paid well," she said with a slight scoff. They went to retrieve her luggage from the baggage claim and the cameras followed at what they thought was a sneaky distance. "Rent it when it comes out, don't bother with the cinema."

The airport in Cerwyn was only a forty minute drive to Winter's Town, but that was more than enough time for them to catch up. 

"How's the forests?"

"Good," he said. "How's acting?"

"Good," she said. 

And that was that. As Starks, they weren't necessarily the most emotionally open of people. Mostly, Benjen put his foot in his mouth when he tried to press further.

"How's Wylla?" he asked, a little sly.

"Back in Dorne," she said with a little bit of strain.

See? He shouldn't have asked. "Oh, shit. Well, I won't say anything else."

"It's all right, little brother," she said with a laugh as she punched him in the arm. Winterfell loomed on the hill. Everyone thought it was weird that his family lived in their ancestral mansion, and that distracted them from the fact that Benjen was nearly 30 and lived with his brother. 

_"Oh you live in a castle,"_ they said, when really they should say "you never moved out of your parent's house?" but hey, he wasn't going to complain.

They pulled in and Ned was already waiting outside, surrounded by the flock of children. Jon was first, which was rare. Jon was more cautious than his cousin Robb, who trailer him by a few inches. When Lyanna came to visit, Jon abandoned caution to see his mother. She caught him and exclaimed how much he'd grown, hugging him tightly. 

Arya was next after the lads, bold as ever, but she ran for Benjen. He hoisted her up. "I was only gone a few hours, Arya," he said. 

"So?" Arya was six and she reminded him of Lyanna more and more every day. She sat on his shoulders as her aunt leaned up to ruffle her hair. Sansa and Bran came last, Sansa dutifully making sure her toddler brother didn't get left behind. 

"We missed you so much, Aunt Lyanna," she said.

"I missed all of you too!" she said, accepting a hug from Ned as he walked over, scooping up Bran and kissing his sister on the forehead. 

"Mum, how long are you staying?" Jon asked, tugging her by the hand. While for a few years they had kept it quiet, most everyone had figured out that Jon was Lyanna's son. She had gone south to find her fortune in movies, to Ned's disappointment, and had starred in a critically acclaimed smash hit,  _ The Knight of the Laughing Tree _ , and come home pregnant. She waited two years to go back into the public eye, and had kept Jon a secret for his own sake. So he lived in Winterfell with his cousins, where Ned could make sure he had a good life. It was a hard secret to keep, though, and now Lyanna was open about having a son, though she never let anyone photograph Jon or ask about his father.

She worked less so she was home more, especially when school was on holiday, but Jon still missed her when she was gone.

"Well, we're filming the whole movie here in Winter's Town, so I'll be here for a while. I don't think I'll need to fly south for six months or more, if I'm lucky!"

"My nameday is in...three months," Jon said. "And you're not missing it."

"Your eleventh birthday? Never!" she said, and she laughed, but her smile faltered a little when Jon turned back to Robb, and Theon Greyjoy, who had finally caught up to the rest of the family. He was 11 and therefore convinced he was too cool for the family hugs, but he greeted Lyanna with what could only be described as a bro-nod. 

"My name day is in two  _ weeks, _ " Robb boasted.

"I already bought your gift," Lya said covertly, and Robb lit up with delight, pleading with his Aunt to tell him what she brought him from the south. 

"Uncle Ben, when's your nameday?" Arya asked as they walked inside. 

"Uhm, two months or so."

"Are you going to be old?"

Benjen frowned. "30."

"Is that older than Dad?"

"No, your dad is 35," he said. From what he could hear above him, Arya was struggling with the math. "He's five years older than me." He held up a hand, showing five fingers. 

"How are neither of you dead yet?" she asked, sounding oddly dismayed. 

"Arya!" Catelyn gasped, even though the rest of the Starks howled with laughter.

"What? They're old! Uncle Ben isn't even married!" 

"That's true," Sansa said wisely. "Uncle Ben, when are you getting married?"

"As soon as you stop asking me that question," he said, knowing that their small child attention span would mean they forgot immediately. 

The kids were happy to go "help" Lyanna unpack, and Benjen was happy to leave his brother and good sister and go back to his room for a bit. 

  
  


Winter's Town was bustling with people, which was a little unusual. When Lyanna had rang and told him that she was filming her next movie in town, he was happy knowing she'd be home for a while, and Ned was happy that his little town would be getting all the money associated with a film crew posting up for several weeks. But the reality was that Benjen had to wait fifteen extra minutes at the chippy because some overworked Production Assistant had to get ten custom orders during the lunch rush. 

He sat in his usual spot by the window. Lyanna had told him to visit her on set but he was nervous about bothering her at work. She never visited him at his job, mostly because his job involved being out in the wilderness for long stretches of time alone, so it was uncharted territory for Benjen. 

Steeling his nerves, he finished up his lunch and followed the poor beleaguered PA at a respectful distance, finding that the crew was holed up at the community center. He let the kid put down the bags on a designated table before he cleared his throat.

"Where can I find Lyanna Stark?" he asked.

The lad jolted, and turned around. 

"Renly! I haven't seen you since you hit puberty," he said, laughing at the sight of Robert's baby brother, probably no more than 18 or 19 now. He hadn't seen him since the last time he was south, probably nearly a decade ago. 

"Benjen, gods. You scared the piss out of me. Lyanna is talking with the director," he said, pointing at a slightly ajar door across the room. "Let them know their lunch is here, too."

He nodded, clapping Renly on the shoulder and walking over, gently rapping on the door, which drifted open creakily. "Lya, your lunch is here," he said, leaning in the doorway. 

"Thank the gods," Lyanna said, grinning at her brother. "Tyrion, my baby brother, Benjen," she said, pointing to him and turning back to the man she was talking to, who Benjen only knew through his friendship with Lyanna. 

Tyrion Lannister was sitting at the table, not looking particularly thrilled, but he managed to wave. "Good to meet you."

"We've hit a creative block," Lyanna explained, walking over and pivoting around him to grab a few bags of food. "Tyrion, I think Ben could help us."

"What on earth makes you think he could help us?" a new voice asked, jarringly haughty. 

Benjen turned his attention to the last figure at the table, a blond man with chiseled features and an infuriatingly smug expression. Jaime Lannister, supermodel turned actor, brother to the director. He'd never watched a movie Jaime had starred in, mostly because they were all trash. And Lyanna had once starred in a movie about talking squirrels helping a single mom find love. 

"Shockingly I'm going to have to agree with fuckface there. How can I help you, exactly?"

Lyanna was grinning wickedly. "Well, the plot of the movie is --"

"I know, recently widowed father meets a highbrow lawyer who has just moved to his small town blah blah blah," he said. He remembered all the movies Lyanna starred in, even the dumb ones, half the time she asked him if she should take the part or not. 

"Well the handsome widower is a park ranger," Lyanna said. "And that's what we're struggling with here. We were running test scenes and Jaime wasn't convincing," she said. "What do you think we should do about it?"

"Hire a new actor?"

Jaime sputtered and Tyrion chuckled. "You're funny. I didn't know Starks could be funny."

"I think Benjen should  _ consult _ ," his sister declared victoriously. "He can show Jaime how to act like a park ranger. It'll save us reshoot time."

"How am I supposed to explain to Mormont that I can't come back to the Wall because I'm "consulting"?" he asked. 

"Just take him with you for a few days," Tyrion said dismissively. "We have at least six days worth of shooting that we don't need him for. If he spends that time making himself useful, we'll all be better for it. Right Jaime?" 

Jaime grunted. 

"You want him to method act for your stupid romcom? ...No offense, Lya." 

She snorted. "None taken. Look, Old Man Lannister says if this movie does well, he'll fund the movie Tyrion actually wants to make," Lyanna said, exchanging a covert look with Tyrion. "Which means our leading man can't sound like a city boy whose never been beyond the Wall! Will you help?  _ Please _ ?"

Benjen sighed. "Lyanna…" He had a hard time saying no to his big sister, but he also kept his work life and personal life decidedly separate, and for good reasons. 

Tyrion tore a check out of his book and slid it over. "Help us out."

Benjen contemplated the number of zeroes at the end of the check. "All right. I'm back north tomorrow and I'll be up there for five days. He can tag along." 

"You won't regret it," Tyrion said. 

"I already do."


	2. day 1

It was only five days. It was only five days. He was making more for five days work than he'd make in half a year. He could tour with Lyanna's stupid band with all that extra cash.

She was trying to console him, once the reality of what he'd agreed to sank in. "Jaime's not that bad once you get to know him," Lyanna had said at dinner that night. "He's just a little…"

"Narcissistic."

"Well, he's an actor, but that wasn't what I was gonna say."

"Stupid?"

"No." Lyanna narrowed her eyes. "He's just a bit prickly at first, you should be able to relate," she said. 

Benjen shared an offended look with Ned. "Do not compare  _ me _ to Jaime Lannister." 

"Then maybe don't be an asshole," she said with a pleasant smile. 

"Language, Aunt Lyanna," Robb said dutifully, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes. "You're not supposed to call people assholes."

"Neither are you, Robb," Catelyn scolded. 

Robb looked abashed. "Sorry, Mum." 

"Are you going back beyond the Wall, Uncle Ben?" Bran asked, sounding dreamy and distant as he always did. 

"Yeah, kiddo, I am," he said, bracing for the inevitable…

"When I was beyond the Wall, it was winter. Winter never ended..." Bran said ominously. He had never been beyond the Wall, naturally, because he was four, but he had entered a phase of speaking cryptically about things he had no way of knowing. It was a little creepy, but also endlessly entertaining. 

"Tell us more about the Wall, Uncle Ben," Jon demanded, trying to distract them from Bran's strangeness. "When can we visit you there?"

Benjen launched into his usual stories, and no matter how many times he told them, the kids were always thrilled. Now that summer had come, they could probably visit soon, too. That would be nice.

So the next morning he made the stop back at the Winter's Town hotel, where Jaime fucking Lannister was waiting outside, clutching a paper coffee cup and dressed in a tacky fur coat. "Is that what you're wearing?" 

"It's the warmest thing I packed," he said, a little defensive. 

Benjen rolled his eyes. "Let's see how that goes." 

Normally Benjen enjoyed the long drive back up to Castle Black on his on-weeks. It was an hour of silence. But with a passenger, it was...awkward. Lannister didn't speak, just sipped his coffee and stared out the window. Benjen felt like he should break the silence, just to be  _ nice _ . Lya had asked him to be nice, after all. 

"Have you ever been this far north?" Benjen asked.

Jaime laughed, as if that were a ridiculous question entirely. "No."

"Do you…" Gods, he was bad at small talk. Why couldn't they just point at things and grunt like he did with the lads at the Wall? "Like...it?" 

"The skiing was nice up White Harbour way," he said with a breathy sigh. "Did that when I was 17, though. Haven't seen much since I got off the plane." He didn't seem interested in chatting, thank the Gods. He wasn't sure he could make conversation. 

So it was silent until they got to Castle Black. The ancient military outpost had been updated to work as an entry point into the Wall National Park, so even as it looked ancient and mysterious, it at least had plumbing. 

"I don't think I'll have much of a problem here," Jaime said as they walked into the Castle, up some winding stairs to where Jeor Mormont awaited them. 

"Oh, we aren't staying here," he said, pointing out the window into the snowy white beyond. "We're on Haunted Forest duty."

Lannister didn't say anything, as the door to Mormont's office swung open and they entered. The great bear of a man sitting there looked up expectantly, waiting for someone to speak. 

"Tyrion called you," he said.

"Yes."

"And you're all right with this?" Benjen asked, kind of hoping he suddenly decided that no, he wasn't all right with this, and Lannister needed to go back to Winter's Town.

"There are some liability forms you'll be signing, and the Lannister family is making a gracious donation to the park," he said gruffly. "But I have no problem with it, and I expect you in the Haunted Forest outpost by nightfall. Just because you're  _ consulting  _ doesn't mean you get to skiv your normal duties, son."

Benjen rolled his eyes. "I know."

They sat in Mormont's office and did paperwork silently for a few minutes. After that nothing was keeping them from leaving for the Haunted Forest. As they crossed through Castle Black, a murmur passed across the place, all of them regarding Lannister openly. They weren't in awe of a celebrity in their presence, instead they were glaring. 

It made sense. While Benjen was trying to be judicious, the fact was that Jaime's bad reputation preceded him. It had been rare for Lannister to leave the protective bubble of King's Landing since Aerys Targaryen had declared him a persona non grata. Benjen knew the Targaryen family's reputation enough to give Lannister more benefit of the doubt, but the tabloids had spent four years characterizing him as a drunken playboy who cheated his way to the top using his father's connections and then slanderee the people who helped him achieve fame. And honestly he had done very little to disprove that image since they'd met. 

The drive to the Haunted Forest was a quiet one, and they arrived well before nightfall. 

Lannister immediately sank into the slushy summer snow with a dismayed grumble, but he managed to trudge over to the cabin without much difficulty. 

When Benjen opened the cabin door, he kicked his boots against the frame, dislodging the snow and dragging them against the worn out old welcome mat. The cabin was a single loft bedroom and a kitchen and living room on the main floor. Mormont had allowed a surplus in the budget to buy a TV for it, and the VHS library had been growing for some months. There was a functioning shower and that was about all the cabin provided.

"I suppose the consulting begins now," he said as Jaime took off his boots, the kind of boots worn on a leisurely hike, not a trek through the wildest parts of Westeros. "So we drive up here, we settle in, then for the next few days I'll patrol the forest and probably trim back some brush and make sure nothing is amiss Then I'll go back to the Wall, get my next assignment and do it all over again."

"Thrilling," he said dryly. "I'll be honest with you, Stark. I agreed to this stupid consultation because I knew I'd get a couple of days off from my little brother. Just leave me in the cabin, you won't even know I'm here." He spread his arms out, as if to say 'look at how generous I am'. Benjen rolled his eyes. "You get five figures to do what you'd normally do, and I get to relax. Deal?"

"And when you come back to set still incapable of pretending like you've ever spent more than an hour in the woods?" he shot back. "And my sister figures out I took her friend's money and fucked off for a week? You're just making me look bad." 

Jaime furrowed his eyebrows. "Lyanna won't care. Tyrion will just change the stupid script if he's that unhappy with it," he said with a shrug. 

"I don't suppose I can't talk you out of it," Benjen said. "Makes my day brighter for damn sure." Not having to wake up a bratty actor at dawn, not having to keep up with someone else… He made a compelling point, even if it was amoral. 

He heated up the oven, assessing their frozen pizza situation. "Supreme or three cheese?"

"Supreme."

"Three cheese it is," he said, sliding the supreme out of the box. He looked over and saw Lannister roll his eyes and turn his attention to the pile of worn out VHS tapes.

"I take it you don't have cable out here," he said. 

"We get public access and that's about it." He opened the fridge. "Beer?" 

"Sure."

He was almost surprised that he accepted the offer. Surely, it had too many calories. He pulled the six pack out and brought it with him to the living room. He set it on the table and kicked off his shoes, sitting down and getting comfortable. "Guest can pick the movie."

"Oh, truly an honor." He picked a war movie,  _ The Dance of the Dragons _ , and it was dry enough to tune out as he checked over Thorne's notes from his last stay.

"I suppose there's only one bedroom," Jaime said. 

"You'd be right," Benjen said as the oven timer dinged. He fetched the pizza, bringing it over and cracking another beer open. 

"Guests get the bed, correct?"

Benjen laughed. "I have to do actual work tomorrow and you plan to just sit around here jerking off. I'm taking the bed. You can have it after I get up in the morning." 

Lannister looked aggrieved. "I  _ need  _ my sleep, Stark. You're used to sleeping on the ground and shit, right?"

Benjen snorted. "Doesn't change my answer. Bed's mine until you want to actually do what we came here to do." 

"Fine. I'll use the futon."


	3. day 2

Benjen woke at dawn, not taking care to dampen his footsteps as he got up, showered, and got ready for the day. He brewed coffee and left a cup in the pot for his guest, who was snoring with his hair stuck across his face. The thought of waking him up was tempting, but instead he just decided to go about his day.

It was a relief to be alone. Agreeing to consult had been a moment of weakness, and having Lannister willfully resist any help he might offer him took the pressure off of him. He didn't like breaking promises to Lya, but really...well, he wasn't in control of this situation. 

By lunchtime, all he'd found were some empty beer cans in one of the old homesteads, evidence that teenagers were using it as a place to party again. Summer brought people from their homes in a big way, so he wasn't surprised. 

He stopped by the cabin to make himself a sandwich for lunch. Lannister was no longer on the futon, but he didn't hear any signs of life. Maybe he had fled? He could only hope. He crept up the stairs and instead found Lannister asleep in the bed. 

Instead of waking him, he just went back to his lunch break, making a second sandwich and sticking it in the fridge. He wasn't sure why he bothered with a gesture of kindness, but he couldn't stop himself. 

Even in the summer, it was always cold beyond the wall. By the time he got back to the cabin, he was chilled to the bone. While he was used to being cold, and frankly on most days he kind of enjoyed it, the slushy summer snow had gotten into his socks and he was ready for a shower. He took off his boots at the door and threw his wet socks into the corner to be dealt with later. The television was on but Lannister was nowhere to be found. 

He sighed. He put on the kettle to start some tea and then tromped upstairs. The bed was in disarray, and he could hear the shower running. 

Gods take him, he thought. 

"Lannister, get out, I need to shower," he said, tapping on the door with the back of his hand.

"No," he said. "I just got in."

"Lannister, you slept all day and I worked. If you don't come out, I will come in there," he said. 

"You wouldn't." 

He hadn't even bothered to lock the bathroom door, so Benjen swung it open and walked into the cramped bathroom. "Get. Out." 

"...At least grab me a towel," he said, sounding defeated. Benjen grabbed a towel off the rack and held it at the shower curtain. A hand snatched it as the water shut off, and Lannister emerged with it wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping. "You're so rude."

"I'm rude?" he asked, incredulously. "I'm letting you freeload, aren't I?"

He rolled his eyes and left the bathroom, a soaked trail following him. Benjen, satisfied with his victory, stripped down and got in the shower, rinsing off the day's chill. He usually took fairly expedient showers, but something about Lannister's tone, or perhaps the prospect of being stuck with him another night, made him savor this one.

He was fresh and clean by the time he got out, that was for sure. When he came downstairs, Lannister already had a movie on, and the tea had been made and mostly drank. 

"You couldn't leave me a cup?"

"You didn't even let me finish showering." 

"I made you a sandwich." 

Lannister frowned. "I'm making dinner."

"A lot of trouble, warming up a frozen pizza. I'm impressed you can handle it," he said dryly. "Don't you normally have people for this sort of thing?" 

"Oh yes, I'm sure the son of the richest family north of Moat Cailin had to scrape and scrounge for all of his meals," he shot back, sounding haughty. "Did Rickard Stark put you to work young, eh?" 

Benjen opened a beer. "I learned how to take care of myself."

"So did I. Just because I --" 

"Live a life of leisure bankrolled by your daddy."

"I still work," he said, heated. "I'm not given the things I have. Tywin doesn't do everything for me." He sank back into the futon, crossing his arms over his chest. "Of course, you don't know anything about me, so." 

"Everyone knows everything about you, Lannister." 

"Oh, I know. Because everyone in the world can be easily condensed down into what you can read on the cover of a shitty tabloid," he said as the timer on the oven beeped.

Trying to distract himself from wondering if Lannister maybe had a point, he got the pizza from the oven and cut it. Setting dinner and beer down on the coffee table, he settled in and found that Lannister's movie pick was...another war movie. 

"You really like these old historical things, don't you?" 

"Yeah. Better than this shit." He gestured dismissively to a pile of tapes. It mostly consisted of bad comedies and one or two inexplicable romcoms. 

"You're in several of those." 

"And so I want to watch them even less," he said. 

"Why make them if you hate these types of movies?" he asked, his curiosity overtaking his contempt for a few minutes. 

"Because they pay well." 

Well, he wasn't sure if he expected some kind of emotional breakthrough or honesty from the man, but he couldn't say he was surprised at the dismissive answer, really. He'd walked right into that one. "Right." 

"I'd ask why you do what you do," he said. 

Benjen waited for it. 

"But I don't really care." He looked so satisfied with his joke, too, it was almost endearing. 

"God, do you ever get tired of being so  _ funny _ ?"

"Do you ever get tired of being so  _ boring _ ?"


	4. day 3

"How's it going?" Lyanna asked over the phone at the end of Benjen's second full day of Trapped In A Cabin with Jaime Lannister. He had done exactly the same as he'd done the day before, except he hadn't bothered to make Lannister a sandwich when he came in for lunch, and Lannister had been considerate enough to not shower right around the time he got back in, though he had done it shortly prior, judging by the frustrating lack of hot water.

Instead of griping about it, he called Lyanna from the ancient phone in the cabin.

"Well, he's not dead yet," he said.

"Always a good sign. He's learning a lot?" 

Benjen did hate lying to Lyanna, but he also didn't feel right ratting himself out in this particular instance. He was the youngest, and as a result he had developed a deep aversion to getting in trouble. "Sure. If he's capable of learning…"

She laughed. "Well, I've gotta say, set's a lot quieter without him." 

"I'd be happy to bring him back first thing in the morning if you miss him so much," he said, a little disparaging. "I thought you were off the gender as a whole." 

"You know I am," she said. "It's not like that, we just work together and get along." There was a bit of a pause, and Benjen could almost hear his sister smirking. "Maybe we need to go down to White Harbor over the weekend and blow off some steam." 

Benjen groaned. "No, we really don't." 

"Ben, how long's it been since you had a date?" Her tone was more serious now, the way Ned occasionally wondered if he would "ever settle down". The answer was no, he wouldn't. He always just told everyone he was married to the job. "And I mean a real date, not one of those one-nighters we all know you pretend you don't do." 

She had him dead to rights, as she always did. That was the worst thing about having a big sister. Ned probably knew plenty about his comings and goings, but as a brother, he had no obligation to care. Lyanna cared and always asked the exact right questions to get him to break. 

"Three years." 

"Gods, Ben. No wonder Jaime is driving you insane." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Well, you're trapped alone in the woods with one of the best looking men in Westeros and you're all backed up. Maybe if you just had a wank --" 

"Lya. Shut up."

She cackled. "I'll see you soon, Benjen. I love you." 

He sighed. "Love you too," he said. "Bye." Hanging up, he sat in the bedroom for a moment, trying to take the color out of his face before he went back downstairs to where Lannister was eating a bowl of cereal. He made his own cereal and sat down on the futon next to him, trying to focus on the movie -- a horror movie about zombies invading the north -- and decidedly not glancing over at Lannister.

He was very pretty, Benjen knew that. It was lucky that he was notoriously interested in women, because it helped keep his mind from wandering into dangerous territory. Of course Lyanna would try to make his week even more difficult, it was like she was punishing him for not doing the work he'd promised to do. 

"What?" 

Benjen snapped out of his daze. "What?" 

"You're just kind of staring…"

"I was thinking about trees," he lied, affixing his eyes to the television screen. 

"Do you know a lot about trees?" 

"I mean, I know how to spot a sick tree and stuff, and what kind of trees grow beyond the Wall...I wouldn't say I'm an arborist or anything." Lannister was nodding along interestedly, and Benjen realized that he was trying to get information for his part. He wasn't sure what had sparked the change in tone, but he wasn't going to discourage it. "You learn the basics of plants when you go through the average park management program. But there's a lot that happens on the job." 

"Plants a big part of the job?" 

"Go look out the window and tell me what you see." 

"Trees." 

"Right. It's not exactly...I ride around and make sure the forest isn't on fire and give tours to school children. Higher level employees than me will have to draft proposals for funding and create engagement programs to keep people interested. If people lose interest in the National Parks, they go away." 

Lannister didn't say anything else, taking his empty cereal bowl, and Benjen's, to the sink and rinsing them out. "So you don't have a life outside of this park," he said, not as a question but as a fact. 

He couldn't even muster the energy to be offended. "I see my family every week."

"Yeah but that's like...your siblings." 

"I'm 29, I'm not exactly racing my biological clock, Lannister." 

"I'm just getting into my character. He's divorced and I'm guessing it's because of having a job like this." 

"I think Tyrion just wanted his male lead to have a sexy, masculine job," he said sarcastically. "And he wanted to film the movie in the north because of the tax breaks." 

"Do you think of yourself as sexy and masculine, Stark?" 

"Oh, you don't?" he joked. 

"Well, it comes to mind, I guess."

He didn't have time to unpack all of that, so he just said goodnight and walked away. 

The next morning he was lacing up his boots, ready for an easy day on the ATV. As he turned the key in the ignition, the door opened and Lannister stumbled out. "I'm going with you today."

"I thought you were on vacation," he said dryly. "Are those...my clothes…?" He always left a spare outfit in the cabin for emergencies. They didn't quite fit Lannister the way his perfectly tailored clothes did -- Lannister was taller, but only just, and Benjen was definitely broader, so the sleeves hung a little loose. 

"You said I hadn't packed anything appropriate," he said. "I...got bored. I ran out of things to watch yesterday, so… This won't be so bad, right?"

"No." 

Lannister slid in next to him in the ATV and shut the cabin door. "This is a really intense golf cart," he said appraisingly.

"...That's one way to look at it," he said. They drove through the thick of the forest in blissful silence, sipping coffee. He looked over and watched Lannister as he watched the trees speed by, a bit of wonder slipping through the veneer of snobbery. It was almost...well, it was kind of nice to see the shift. 

They only had to make it through two more days and he could return him to Lyanna and put it behind them. 


	5. day 4

Benjen found himself, against all odds, almost enjoying spending his work day with someone. It was unfortunate that the someone in question was a Lannister, but he wasn't being as intolerable as he had been, somehow. 

They were wandering around one of the abandoned farmsteads that littered the haunted forest. No one really knew why the Free Folk abandoned the areas closer to the Wall, but they had done it a long time ago, their settlements staying further in the north. The abandoned homesteads now were maintained as history lessons for schoolchildren. 

"I can't imagine what kind of mad fucker would want to live up here," Jaime said, crossing his arms. 

"Speaking for the mad fuckers of the world, it's not as bad as you think. Once you get used to it." He loved the clean air and the crisp snow and early sunsets, but he knew himself to be an odd person who valued nature more than people. 

Lannister snorted. 

He parked the ATV in the shed and they walked into the cabin. 

"I'm going to shower," they both said simultaneously. 

They glared at each other. Whatever good will they had developed for each other over the last day was going out the window. "I'm the one doing actual work," Benjen said.

"You took first shower yesterday," Jaime said, which was true. 

"My cabin, my shower," he said, finishing removing his boots and jacket.

"Whoever gets there first gets first shower," Jaime said, a competitive glint in his eye as he abandoned his scarf. 

Both of them immediately took off across the tiny cabin. Socked feet meant sliding across the wood floors, and Benjen grabbed Jaime's shoulder to keep himself upright, pushing to get to the stairs first. 

Halfway up the stairs, Lannister tackled him. They were nose to nose for a frozen, awkward moment. Then he wheezed and before he could even blink the spots out of his eyes Jaime was at the top of the stairs. 

"Asshole," he croaked as he caught up to him, wrenching the bathroom door open, elbowing his opponent in the kidney and slipping into the bathroom, victorious. 

Standing in the doorway, glaring at the defeat, Jaime grumbled. "That was a cheap shot."

"So was tackling me," he said, divesting himself of his jeans and t-shirt. "You gonna watch? I charge extra for that shit."

He huffed and turned away, but didn't shut the door. 

He decided to be nice and take a quick shower, tying his hair back instead of washing it. When he had dried off, he saw Jaime downstairs making food. "I didn't use all the hot water," he said. 

"For once," he agreed with a snort, walking up the stairs past Benjen. He lingered for a moment at the doorway, far too close to Benjen for comfort. But he didn't say or do anything, he just walked away. 

Benjen walked outside and built a bonfire at the much-loved fire pit. That's where Jaime found him when he finished his shower, a cold slice of pizza clutched in his hand as he took a seat on the log next to Ben. 

"Why haven't we been doing this more?" he asked, gesturing to the fire. 

"I don't do this for assholes who don't deserve it," he said with a cheeky grin. "Seemed appropriate for your last night here to reward you for not being as much of an asshole."

He thought Jaime would just shrug it off with a shitty comment like he always did. Instead he took the beer Ben offered him and looked thoughtfully into the fire. "I wasn't always an asshole."

"You sure about that?"

"The tabloids have never been my friend, let's just say," he said. "I guess I just figured if they were going to make me out to be the bad guy, I'd lean into it." He looked distinctly unhappy as he sipped his beer. "I'm not really…Aerys fucked my life over because I called the cops on him for slapping his wife. He made me the bad guy, and now no one but my own brother will work with me." 

He laughed bitterly.

Benjen frowned. He'd always known Aerys was an asshole, but to hear it said so bluntly was almost startling. "I…"

"Don't need to say anything. I don't care about your opinions." 

For some reason he really didn't believe that, but he did keep his mouth shut. The Targaryen family was a family full of life ruiners, and he knew that from first hand experience. 

"I guess you get it, with what Rhaegar did to your sister," Jaime concluded, as if he'd pulled the thought directly from his brain. 

Benjen hit him on the arm gently. "We don't talk about Rhaegar in our family," he said. 

"You don't talk about anything, from what I can gather," he shot back. "It's been a week and I don't know anything about you."

"Do you need to?" he asked, setting down his beer and turning to look at Lannister, who was staring at him intently, glowing in the firelight. 

"Maybe I want to." 

There was a point when Benjen's body decided he was going to do something before his brain had caught up. By the time he closed the distance between them, he figured -- why the hell not? He said he wanted to know him. 

So he kissed Jaime Lannister. 

Immediately he pulled back, realizing his mistake. The presumption was almost humiliating. 

"Well, I know something about you now," he said gamely. 

"Let's just pretend that didn't happen," he said, finishing his beer and poking the rapidly dying fire. 

Instead, Jaime put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back in for another kiss. They kissed for a long time, long enough that the embers barely burned in the well-used fire pit. 

They stumbled back into the cabin, pulling coats and buttons. Neither had much on when they finally fell into bed, and Benjen couldn't help but wonder if he was making a mistake.

The next morning, staring at the ceiling, wide eyed and listening to Jaime's breathing, he  _ knew  _ he had made a mistake. 

Lannister woke up and stared at the ceiling too, pointedly avoiding his gaze. 

"We never speak of this again."


End file.
